White: Plain and Dull

I'm white and it sucks. All through college I heard lectures after lectures about how the white man owes everyone. We enslaved, we cheated, and now we have to fix it. It's like when you play a prank on a school teacher, and you apologize and pay her back by washing the chalkboard, but she never gives you a good grade again. I can apologize and try give other races opportunities, but they're always gonna hate the whiteness.

For hundreds upon hundreds of years, the white skins were on top. And now in the 21st century, as I'm coming into the prime of my life, the world has decided that I suck. Not only do I suck, but I've sucked for a long time. I am the member of a racial group that has enslaved the planet. Even more specifically, I'm a white American. Americans use to be coveted, now, hated. The European nations have all turned on us, except Britain, but they're just afraid to oppose us because last time they did we kicked their prancy asses out of North America. The white man is alone, out numbered and payin' for it on an every day basis.

During class at college, when you're learning about world history, you can just feel the eyes of the non-white students bearing down on you during the lecture. As the professor lectures about what terrible things my fellow pale people have done. It's really not fair, I didn't kick out the Indians! The British did. I'm not english, I'm Italian, Irish, Swedish, and Norwegian. We stayed out of that mess! BUT because I'm white, I put the NA's on reservations. Is that not profiling? Does the color of my skin not lead to an assumption of world dominance? The Irish have been beaten around just as much as anyone else. So I won't be playing any violins in anyone else's direction. The Brits beat, raped, and pillaged us for decades.

Other white people go right along with this. Many openly reject their own heritage, and who can blame them? Let's look at some stereotypes in our society right now:

African American:
+ .... Good athletes, good physique, good dancers, jazz music, stylish, hip-hop, cultured, large penis
- ..... lazy

gotts tell ya, I like this, as a 22 year old, this goes great with my plan in life

Asian American:
+.... Dr.'s, scientists, wealthy, healthy diet, good cars, strong family structure, kareoke
-.... small

again, a pretty good situation when you get right down to it, I could use more of what they got going on

Middle Eastern:
+.... Dr's, small business owners, quickie-mart owners (I could live off slush-puppies)
-..... Terrorists

ok, this is a tough one, right now it's not the best look, BUT you have MORE opportunities because people are afraid to say no to you because they don't want you to think they're racist AHH HAA!!

Native American

+...... Casinos, magic powers. Dances With Wolves, comfortable footwear, natural medicines
-....... ??? (the whole "savage" phase is past, I don't think anyone bothers to stereotype Native Americans, they've been through enough)

My friend Andy recently informed us that Indian run casinos brought in over 3 billion last year... are we all square on the Manhattan trade yet or what? I personally have lost a couple hundred at their establishments... I would love to live on these casino grounds, all the golf I can handle!

AND NOW.....

White:

+.... "in charge", elite, somewhat good in all areas, (like mario, in mario bros. 2)
-.... Oppressive, can't dance, can't jump, war hungry, snobby country club types, "not smooth", no culture just white, got to where they are based on killing others and taking their land, racists, boring, no style, "the enemy", "the man", bigots, gluttons, only good at hockey,

I want out! I want to be cool! I want to be liked! I didn't ask to be white! it's what I was born as! Pleeeeaaase, help me. Can I get some sort of affirmative action on the dance floor? Like a girl has to dance with me for 10 minutes before she rejects me? Can't the cracker get a break??
I'm 22, by the time I'm 40, can you imagine how much the deck will be stacked against me? It's over, I might as well cash it in now.

The world has spoken, white just isn't good or exciting anymore. Everybody wants soul, lil' hip-hop up in the joint. I can't compete with that I'm a man that's stuck with the label that's been applied, like a can of tomato soup that wrongly says "cream of celery". I must carry on in this cruel world. Keep walking forward until my revolution has come full circle.... just in time for my great, great grand kids. Well hey, at least the whitey's will always have the NHL....... ahhh shit..