I Miss My Mom

I woke up in aguish, hurting, heated, and helpless. I can't move my body without a grimise and when I try to speak, all that comes out of my mouth is a sound less like a human voice and more like an old American car trying to kick over in sub-zero temperatures. I had the flu. The god-damn flu. For the first time since living on my own, on the opposite side of the country from where I was born, I was struck with my first hard-hitting illness.
I lack many things in my quaint apartment. Good air circulation, consistent running water, and a fully functional toilet to name a few. Those things you learn to live with on a daily basis. But in for an occasion like this, there are some other things I lack which add difficulty to the situation. Some of those things are: a thermometer, adequate medicine, and health insurance. Now some people would consider such things as being "essentials", but I would disagree. The essential thing I was missing, the thing that puts the before mentioned to shame, is not a pill or testing device. It does not come with a stethoscope or tounge depressor. It is an orignal, a one of a kind that is unique to each and every one of us..... mom.
I call out from my bed, "ugh, I'm sick!"... no reply. No door opening followed by quick footsteps coming down the hall, just silence. It's then I realized "she's not coming". Without mom, being sick is truly BEING SICK. When you have to take care of yourself and be the lone responsible person to get your body back to health, being sick is ten times as miserable, But, when you have mom, being sick, is being on vacation!
First off, you dont have to go to school. You're in bed or on the couch, laid out, blanket over you and the tv on. She comes to your side non-stop, "need cold towel?", "need another stuffed-animal?", "sure you're warm enough?". I laid in bed, staring at the ceiling. "Maybe I should get up and drink some water", I thought. Water! Ingenious! She always preached fluids! Ok, we're on to something here, I have to get to fluids. Now tap water didn't sound so exciting so what did mom usually do.
"Ok sweetie, I'm going to run to the store and buy you some drinks, gatorade, ginger ale, hawiian punch, all your favorites." Ooooo those sweet sounds. Mom heads out the door and I put my hands behind my head because kid, you're on easy street. Sure you have a fever, sure everytime you swollow it feels like a cheesegrater is going down your throat, who cares! The other kids are at school and I'm patient for the day (hopefully days if the fever can hang in there for me) Hurry back mom, I'm thirsty! Hmm, maybe I'll sneak a nap in between these Saved By The Bell re-runs.....
Ugh, ok, so she went to the store to stock up, great. I get up, throw on my Ithaca hooded sweatshirt and grab the first unclean pair of cargo shorts I can find. It's off to "Ralphs" for me, the grocery store that would supply me on my quest. I go up and down the aisles, eyes watery, head pounding, and sweat forming on the brow. I have 5 gallons of gatorade, Advil Cold and sinus, and six cans of chicken soup, not the good kind, the Ralphs brand that's 3 for 2.00 . I stumble towards the express lane, hoping the nice little hispanic lady can scan my groceries before the legs give out and I soak through my under shirt. I scan the debit card, punch in the pin and head for the car. Where was mom?
"I'm home, I bet my little guy is thirsty". She is right, she always is. Green gatorade is the first to come my way and it's so refreshing when it hits my lips. The fever instantly shudders sending chills through my body and forcing me to bundle up under the blankets. Mom sees it coming "oh here's another blanket for your chills, stay warm sweetie".
Jesus, I can't stop shaking. It never was this bad, was it? I laid in bed chugging my gatorade that wasn't even cold yet because no one keeps beverages cold anymore! The fever is pissed, it wants non of this, I toss, I turn, I'm hot and shed blankets, I'm freezing I pull them back on. Is it possible to shiver to death? How long would my body lay here?
"Want a cold pop-sicle for that throat?" Oh I am in heaven. Mmmm, cherry, my favorite. Is this lady the best or what? "I'm stirring some soup for you right now, I'll bring it over soon." First pop-sicle, now soup? Oh look, "The Goonies" is on HBO next! Time to get comfortable, our next two hours are planned and the tylenol is kicking in just in time!
These glands are like baseballs! I don't think they have ever been this swollen. I should have bought some pop-sicles, I'm an idiot. How do you get sick like this in California! It's sunny outside right now, 70 degrees! My head, dear god my head is throbbing like I just sat though church. I have satellite tv, 800 channels of "nothing is on"! Can I get a break here!
"Did you enjoy your nap honey?" Well yes, yes I did, I guess I must have dozed off while nestled up in my fortress of heaven. I love those people waving me with palms. I guess the nice hot soup put me right into a slumber. "Here you go, some more tylenol to keep that fever down, it's been exactly four hours since you took it last". This lady is an angel, there is no reason for me to ever be healthy again.
Oh these chills, when will they stop! Can I take more pills yet? Where are the directions... every four hours? When the hell did I take the first ones? Shit! I wasn't paying attention, if I take them to close together my heart my give out! You're done Keith, you are done. I was in ruin. I saw no light at the end of the tunnel, then, nightfall hit.
"Now I'll be sleeping right here next to your bed if you need me". What a lady, not even going to leave my side! What a comfort........ I'm so cold, so very cold mom. "Oh your fever is shooting up again, let's get you in a warm bath" Oh what a relief, hot springs of the gods! A nice warm bath , change of clothes, and back in bed. Night time medicine working wonders.
3AM.... shaking uncontrollably. An hour goes by, still shaking. I get up and head for the bathroom and begin filling the tub. Before getting in I decided to relieve myself of a full bladder. The shacking hasn't stopped, I have no control, I can't keep my hand steady. It goes everywhere. Up, down, left, right, it covers the compass. What a mess. Half-hour in the tub and back to bed. I tossed and turned all night, sleep was hard to come by.
"did you get good rest, here's an english muffin with peanut butter, I think you still have a little fever, better keep you home one more day..." She is a godsend, I love her, I will never leave her.
11am. Ugh, I still can't move. I have worsened. Should I go to the Dr's? Can't do that, no insurance, would cost a week of pay. Speaking of pay, gonna miss another day of work, they don't pay me for sick days. This sucks. Plain old sucks. I can't stand all these little kids running around the complex chasing eachother with play machine guns. Why is the Armanien couple arguing this morning, don't they work? Where is my peace, where is my health, where is my mom?

I eventually did kick the flue. It hit me tuesday night, I felt better by saturday afternoon. As much as I missed my mom, and I know it frustrates her that she can't help my anymore, her methods of care were lessons to me that I still rememeber and use today. Only now do I realize how lucky I was to have such a person who was so devoted to my well being. I frequently miss her but was reminded of how much so when I fell ill this past week. I delt with myself, this one time since moving out on my own. She went through it with three kids, each of who fell ill multiple times a year, none more than me. I was always the first one sick, a frequent hospital resident. Even laid up in a hospital bed she would never leave my side. Being sick made me think of all this as I laid in my bed hating my existence. I thought about how blessed I was to be the son of such a special lady. Thanks mom, for teaching, for healing, and for loving.... I love you....
...... now, how do I get a "mom" figure to wait on hand and foot now that I'm an adult?....... hmmm.... I hear wedding bells!